It was a day after we terminated the services of Mico’s yaya, on grounds of stealing, that our young niece disclosed to me an even more appalling fact: the sorry-excuse-for-a-human-being I had entrusted my second-born preschooler’s welfare with had been filching him of his leftover daily allowance to fund her ‘tong-its habit’!  On nights my in-laws (with whom my husband and I would leave our 2 sons while we went off to work) were expected late, Mico’s Ate Tini would come home from school to find him slumped crying in one corner of her bedroom after his vile nanny had forcibly snatched his money to gamble with the other household help.  He told his cousin that his yaya would even threaten him bodily harm should he resist or, much worse, ‘squeal’ on her.

Sunlife Sales Executive and mom Joselyn Tiu also thought she hit the jackpot when she chanced upon a nanny who could also cook     delectable Chinese dishes.  Later would she realize that, after also terminating the woman’s service, her then-grade school daughter and son, were suffering verbal abuse and threats courtesy of their assigned custodian if they failed to finish all the food she prepared for them.

Can you fathom welcoming someone into your home and delegating her the wellbeing of your child while you set off for work to afford her just compensation, benefits and bonuses, provide her decent board and lodging, and allow her weekly days off…………..then later learn that THAT individual had, for a maddeningly unknown length of time, subjected your precious and defenseless flesh and blood to abuse?!  God forgive me, but the day I discovered we’d been sheltering the embodiment of every parent’s nightmare, the sadistically violent thoughts that flashed through my brain were countless.  That day, I suffered a sorry mix of emotions: that of sheer rage, dread, and helplessness.  I was ashamed of myself……..big failure of a mother finding suitable keeper of son’s health and safety.  It was awful.  My heart broke for my son.  After that, when I had to screen for another ‘appointee’, my level of anxiety rose tenfold. 

So how DO you guard a child from this kind of misdemeanor? How DO you sift through the bad eggs and end up with a good one?  What are the imperative qualifications we must look for when hiring a yaya?

After having recovered from the shocking episode of the ‘evil-cooking nanny’, Tiu recommends that parents operate like HR practitioners, dividing the screening process into 3 stages:

1. Deciding on the qualities you are looking for in a yaya, the level of experience you are comfortable with, and the person’s educational attainment.  It is also important to be mindful if the child has any health concerns and special needs.  We must also take note of whatever interests and normal schedule of activities the child may have.  Other areas of equal focus and discussion include working hours, the responsibilities the job entails and the compensation/benefits package the employing family is willing to provide.  List down the questions you’ll ask, lest you miss out on the more important issue over competence when distractions like mannerism and physical appearance hit you.
2. During actual interview, evaluate and discuss the personality, lifestyle, child-rearing philosophy and how neatly each contender appears.  The person’s strengths and weaknesses, plans and interests are also significant.  Furthermore, in the case of referrals, keep in mind that a candidate should never be exempt from close scrutiny just because a close relative or friend made the recommendation.  This is an old Filipino backdrop in which screening slip-ups are common.

Require all applicants to bring:

• An ID-picture affixed bio-data that enumerates the applicant’s personal details and employment history (dates of past employment, employer names and contact numbers)
• an NBI clearance updated in the current year (better yet, the past quarter)

Licensed stockbroker and mom Carina Ang also says her mind can rest at ease if she is shown results of a complete blood exam, evidencing applicant’s good health.  “If the candidate is short on cash, offer to cover the necessary processing fees.  The minimal cash outlay can spell the difference in ensuring your child’s security.  Cut the stinginess.”  Ang also stresses that “Any failure or hesitation, after your offer to cover said costs, should automatically disqualify the applicant.  Vacillation over something so basic should already trigger an employer’s alarm bells.”

Discuss the job description with the applicant, your house rules, along with her salary-cum-benefits expectations. Do not be in too much of a hurry to hire the person.  Inquire before you hire.  Check the applicant’s references first and, if possible, get in touch with past employers.  To yield honest comments, assure them that your talk would be held with utmost confidentiality.  Ask about the prospective yaya’s strengths and weaknesses.  Have them evaluate her dependability and honesty.  Find out why she parted with her previous employer.  If results are favorable, contact the successful candidate.  Finalize everything with both of you signing duplicate copies of an agreement enumerating all the things discussed and agreed upon.  Each party must have a copy of it, in case future reference is needed.

1. Officially welcoming the chosen one into the family automatically activates the long-running phase of monitoring and supervision.  This is where parents should have all their senses on alert mode, in case telltale signs of maltreatment or abuse turn up.  According to babycenter.com, causes for concern would include:
   
   

·         child is unhappy and withdrawn when yaya is around

·         he/she is suddenly in one too many avoidable accidents

·         child often looks dirty and unkempt

·         your home phone is often busy when you call

·         child seems to suddenly have forgotten household rules

·         child has started swearing or is easily irritable

·         yaya’s stories simply don't add up

It was sad that, even with our opting to leave our sons at my in-laws’ house (where my sister-in-law’s family also resides), child maltreatment still took place undetected.  This exception, however, should not serve to trivialize the benefits having an adult family member, next-door neighbor, or trusty helper keeping tabs on things at home.  The presence of caring individuals can still help keep abuse at bay.

Other families have also resorted to having surveillance cameras installed at home.  These covert devices can be hidden inside clocks, smoke detectors, plants, and electronic components.  Some can even be linked to your office computer, with live viewing facilitated via internet connection.  In a December 1996 episode of Prime Time Live, a US company called Baby Watch showed real-life images of nannies abusing and assaulting their wards, leaving parents across the United States stunned.  It showed the viewing public how nannies can seem loving and caring in the presence of adults, then turn into criminal offenders when left alone with hapless children.

Sadly, though, the average Filipino family doesn’t have the luxury of squeezing in the cost of surveillance gadgets into their already diminutive budget.  So, what wallet-friendly course can we take?  T

The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) premiered in the widely-commended Youth Protection Joining Requirements.  It stresses the importance of educating parents, adults and children in the detection and prevention of child abuse.  By providing leadership training for all age levels, the organization addresses concerns of society over children’s safety.  The BSA devised a simple but effective educational concept, the 3 R’s of Youth Protection, compiled in a booklet aptly titled “How to Protect Your Children from Child Abuse”.  It comes free with every Cub Scout and Boy Scout in the United States.

Though the booklet may not be widely available in the Philippines, teaching our children about the contents of that brochure would benefit them a great deal.  The child must be made aware, as early as possible, of his/her right to:

·         Trust his/her instincts or feelings

·         Expect privacy

·         say no to unwanted touch and affection

·         say no to an adult’s inappropriate demands and requests

·         withhold information that could jeopardize his/her safety

·         refuse gifts

·         be rude and unhelpful if the situation warrants

·         run, scream, and make a scene

·         physically fight off unwanted advances

·         ask for help

Children must also be educated about the 3 R’s: 

• Recognize and be aware of abuse
• Resist advances or aggression to avoid abuse
• Report attempts or actual acts of abuse to parents or other trusted adults

Children need to be able to talk freely about their likes and dislikes, their friends, and their true feelings.  Informal family meetings, where safety issues can be discussed, can effectively open communication lines.  A child must feel comfortable telling his/her parent about any sensitive problems or experiences in which someone approached him in an improper manner or in a way that made him feel uncomfortable. Studies have shown that more than half of all child abuse incidents are never reported because victims are too afraid or too confused to report their experiences.  And in the event that the child DOES open up about an attempted or actual abuse, constant reassurance must be provided that he/she is able to help protect him/her self as well as others, and will not be blamed for what occurred.

All this doesn’t seem so easy, does it?  You can go and make like a crazed mother and resort to brainwashing your child about self-protection or conditioning yaya over the kind of wrath she could suffer in your hands if she mistreats you’re precious.  After all precautions have been painstakingly taken (sometimes, even bordering on neurosis), we all really end our efforts with burning faith (and prayer) that a Higher Power always takes close watch.

*the author of this article also writes for smart parenting magazine of summit media.

RESOURCES:

National Association of Nannies Tip Sheet
http://www.nannyassociation.com/tipsheet.html

Six Tips for Hiring a Nanny
http://www.nannynetwork.com

Nanny Screening
http://www.employerschoiceonline.com/background-screening/nanny.html

Using a Nanny Agency
http://www.deliciousbaby.com/nanny/

World Scout Foundation
http://www.world.scout.org

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